Thursday, October 8, 2009

A Year Ago Today...

To My Dear Zuni,
I was right, my heart has never been this heavy, and I know that. I see you everywhere, in everything I do, in your progeny I'm so lucky to have. A year ago today, when I lost not only you, but also Dian, I knew this day could never get worse. Its been a rough year, it would not have been had you been alive. The world was a much better and brighter place with you in it. I made better decisions, I listened to my instinct better, I was more goal oriented. I do not mean to dishonor you by letting myself go, I simply have not cared about anything except my dogs since you passed... I have not put up fights the way I used to, I lost my interests. My heart is bleeding, but will it ever stop, I doubt that nor do I care much. In time I will be with you and then all will be well. Living feels like incarceration now. I do not know IF I want to pick myself up, even if I could. It took me several years to recover from the loss of Ferris as well.

When I lost Ferris on August 30th 1995, I never thought another pet could be as great as she was. Ferris, my exceptional ferret. Perhaps she re-incarnated in you, your birthday on August 22nd, 1997 was not so much of a co-incidence maybe...? You arrived in the usa on August 17th 2000... Your great sister Oduscha was born on August 27th 1997. what is it with August...

Why are some dog owners so lucky to have their pets so very long, and I only had you for 8 powerful years? (though you were 11 yrs and 6 weeks old) Thankfully, you and I were able to be together 24/7 making up for the other three years you were growing up in Europe...

Granted, because of you, at least now I do what I love to do, and I promise you, I will not dishonor you by remaining the whimp I've been in the past year. I m back to ruling the world from my couch ...